Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 2:30 am Post subject: You know you're a Californian when....
You know you're from California when...../Californians are better because............
Everyone hates cops
You live next door to mexicans
You say "like" and "for sure" and "right on" and "dude" and "totally" and "peace out" and "chill" and "tight" and "bro" and "hell of" and "hella"(Nor Cal only) and "faded" and "stoked" and "fo sho" and you say them often
You know what real cheese taste like.
All the porn you watch is made here, cause we fuck better and thats how it is.
You don't get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe, Shasta, and Big Bear.
You can wear sandals all year long.
You go to the Beach - not "down to the shore."
You know 65 mph really means 100.
When someone cuts you off, they get the horn and the finger and high speed chase cuz we dont fuck around on the road.
The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border).
Our governor can kick your governors ass.
You can go out at midnight.
You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code.
You might get looked at funny by locals when you're on vacation in their state, but when they find out you're from California you turn into a Greek GOD.
We don't stop at stop signs... we do a "california roll"
No cop no stop baby!
You can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day.
All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here.
EVERYONE smokes weed. no exceptions.
We're the Golden State. Not the Cheese State. Not the Garden State.....GOLDEN!!!
We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them).
We have the most representation in the House of Representatives, which means our opinion means more than yours, which means we're better than you.
The best athletes come from here.
We got disneyland....wut now!
We have The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf which is way better than Starbucks.
We call it soda, not pop.
Oh, and no one from California calls it Cali... that's how we know you're not from around here.
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The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.
You were born somewhere else.
Your sense of direction=Toward the ocean and away from the ocean.
You eat an In n Out burger at least once a week!!!
You know how to eat an artichoke.
The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.
Your car has bullet-proof windows.
Left is right and right is wrong.
Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
You can't find your other earring because your son/brother is wearing it.
You drive to your neighborhood block party.
Your family tree contains "significant others."
You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.
You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
More than clothes come out of the closets.
You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
Smoking in your office is not optional.
You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch."
Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.
You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.
You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
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All highways into the state say: "no fruits."
All highways out of the state say: "Go back."
The Terminator is your governor
You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH"
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California.
Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
You don't care what race people are because you're too busy wondering what gender they are.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.
Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice.
Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.
Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
The normal symbols on restrooms mean "people wearing pants" and "people wearing skirts".
Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S &M, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
Both you AND your dog have therapists.
You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class.
You're familiar with many, many American TV personalities and movie stars (Harrison Ford, Brad Pitt, Leo, the cast of Friends, the people on Survivor) and a few South African ones. You definitely know who Charlize Theron and Arnold Vosloo are. You talk about them as if you know them personally. You might know some British stars (Sean Connery, Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Hugh Grant), but you probably only know them if they got famous by starring in American movies.
You know someone who has met Nelson Mandela.
You believe the news on TV and in the papers, especially when it's bad. In fact, the worse the news is, the more likely you are to believe it.
You still believe in marriage, although if you do get married, the chances are one in three of it not lasting. If you're a black male you still have to pay lobola (bride price). You will probably have children: before, during or after marriage.
You know an obscene amount about cricket and rugby, and you have a very definite opinion about Hansie and the match-fixing scandal. You know a lot about soccer. You probably know nothing about baseball, American football or basketball.
You have a vacation of three weeks per year, and you spend it at the coast if possible. Or in the mountains or a game reserve. You wouldn't stay home.
You are probably a Christian if you're white or black. If you're Indian, then you're most likely a Hindu or a Moslem. If you're a Christian, you could be either a Catholic or a Protestant, and you go to church regularly. If you're black you wear a special uniform to church; if you're white you don't, but you dress smartly in special "church clothes" you bought just for Sundays
If you're under 25 you probably consider McDonald's to be fine dining. You think of KFC, Wimpy, Steers, Debonairs and the like as fast food as it isn't really that cheap. If you're over 25 you enjoy going out to new restaurants. You might even enjoy sushi bars.
You love to feed tourists on boerewors (long sausage) and pap (made from corn) at a braai (barbeque). You also consider samoosas (square curried mince pies, usually found in Indian eating establishments) to be traditional South African food.
You don't consider dogs, cats, monkeys, guinea pigs and the like to be food. If you're black you might eat mopani worms. You've heard that people "in Europe" eat snails, frogs' legs and oysters, but you generally wouldn't.
Milk comes in cardboard cartons, plastic 2-litre bottles, and one-litre sachets, but not in glass bottles. You buy milk at the supermarket or the corner cafe (which to Americans would be a "convenience store"). If you have young children you try to get them to drink a glass of milk a day; otherwise you just use it to put in your tea or coffee.
You'll drink either coffee or tea depending on what you feel like at the time. If you're a health fanatic you might drink Rooibos (herbal) tea. You consider the American influence on coffee (dozens of varieties) to be a good thing.
If you're an urban dweller, your house has all the usual rooms, complete with electricity and running water. If you're rural or live in a squatter camp (shanty town), it might not have all those things
Your house is not heated in winter nor air-conditioned in summer. When it gets really cold you might haul out your bar heater or oil heater and your entire family will sit huddled around it. When it gets hot in summer you just open all your windows and turn on a fan.
Winters are never snowy, except in the Drakensberg. If you've never been out of South Africa, you might never have seen snow in your life. If you have seen snow, you still talk about it with wonder.
A bathroom will have a basin, bath or shower and a toilet. You refer to going to the toilet as "going to the bathroom." euphemisms to disguise your real purpose for going there.
At least one member of your family has a cellular phone. You also have a land line, and expect it to work. You're shocked when thieves steal the copper cables, but getting a new phone is routine. If they cut off your phone for some reason or other, however, it might take days for it to be fixed.
Trains are only for people with no alternative for getting around. You yourself will always travel by car or minibus taxi. The bus service is average but useless to anybody who doesn't work in or near the CBD (central business district).
It seems natural to you to have more than one political party, but it's only in recent years that you've been able to boast about democracy.
You don't trust communists, but you understand why people fall for the idea. You probably don't even realise that there are many socialist institutions already functioning in your country (what do you think trade unions are, anyway?) but you're in favour of privatising State assets.
You may or may not be a racist, but if you are you don't tell anybody. Whether you are or aren't makes no difference in the real world anyway, because you'll be accused of being one no matter what you do.
You know from recent experience that problems can be solved when people work together.
You generally trust doctors but you think they overcharge. You feel that they should compensate you for time wasted if they make you wait more than fifteen minutes for an appointment. You'll do anything to avoid being treated in a State hospital, but you think that private hospitals are only after your money.
You speak English fluently, or you want to. At any rate, you can speak at least two languages. If you're black you can most probably speak Zulu, even if you're not Zulu yourself. You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and are inordinately proud of this fact.
School is supposed to be free, but if you send your child to a 'free' school then it's likely that he or she will become a victim of the concept that "you get what you pay for". University is not free. In fact, it's very expensive.
The year comes first: 1994-04-27, or last: 27/04/94 (and you know what happened on that date), but the month always goes in the middle.
The decimal point is a comma, or so you were taught, but you think that using a comma is silly and you use a dot when you can get away with it.
A billion is a million times a million according to your Maths (not 'Math') teacher, but you consider a billion to be a thousand times a million because you're used to that usage from American TV shows.
World War II didn't have much of an impact on your country, but you most likely know one or two people who fought in it.
You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. If you're a Christian you will get married in church. Fancy outdoor garden weddings are for people with more money than sense. Your minister, priest or pastor will be a marriage officer and you don't need to go to court. If you're a Hindu or Moslem you might still have to go to court after your religious ceremony. If you're black you might have a traditional ceremony but for it to be considered legal you have to go to court or get married in church. In South African black culture a man can have more than one wife, but he can only marry one legally. You're fascinated by the idea of changing the law so that cultures which traditionally practise polygamy can do it legally.
If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual, but you have no right to discriminate against him because of this.
If you're female, you probably wouldn't go to the beach topless. To go naked, you'd have to visit Sandy Bay. However, you do think that some traditional African dress, which involves women going topless, is beautiful.
You think women should be able to breastfeed their babies in public without being maligned.
You'd rather a film be subtitled than dubbed, but you're used to dubbing from the 'old days' and brag about South African dubbing being very good. Generally, however, you don't watch 'foreign' films (for 'foreign', read, 'Anything that doesn't come out of Hollywood').
You expect to be able to transact business or deal with the government without paying bribes. You sometimes do have to pay bribes, but afterwards you blow the whistle to the media about "the corruption in our country".
If a politician has been cheating on his wife, the media will mention it but you won't care. If a politician has been embezzling money or receiving kickbacks, no one seems to care, and this annoys you.
All large shops, malls and chain stores take credit cards, but many don't accept cheques.
It's very difficult to get rid of employees, which you are grateful for if you're low man on the totem pole, and annoyed about if you're in a management position.
Workers' Day is on the 1st of May.
Scatterlings of Africa
You've probably seen The Gods Must Be Crazy, The Mummy, everything Charlize Theron has been in, the Star Wars films, Titanic, The Matrix and The Sixth Sense. If you're over 30 you've probably also seen Gone with the Wind, Casablanca, Rebel Without a Cause, Superman and E.T. You know who Marilyn Monroe was, even if you've never seen one of her movies.
You know Michael Jackson, Ricky Martin, Madonna, the Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears and the Spice Girls, even though you may not want to. If you're over 30 you also know the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, the Doors, Elvis, Frank Sinatra, Bruce Springsteen and Abba. You definitely know Juluka, Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Mango Groove, Brenda Fassie, Just Jinger, and Henry Ate.
If you have medical aid, you count on excellent medical treatment. If you don't, you pray you won't get sick. Your chances of dying of cholera, malaria, TB or a similar Third World disease increase if you live in a rural area or don't have running water. Or if you go to the Kruger National Park without taking malaria preventatives. You think dying at 65 would be a tragedy.
At school, you learned the history of South Africa. If you're under 20 your teachers probably made you watch Shaka Zulu during History. You also learned about World Wars I and II and the Anglo-Boer (a.k.a. South African) War. You know all about the Vietnam War, the Gulf War and the Cold War, but this is due to exposure to American TV.
Your country as a whole has never been conquered, but the amount of freedom you had prior to 1994 is debatable, and some people would argue it still is.
You're used to a wide variety of choices for almost anything you buy.
You measure things in litres, metres, kilometres, kilograms and celsius (centigrade). You have no idea what people are talking about when they refer to Farenheit temperature.
The likelihood of your being a farmer is not very high, but you do know some.
Comics come in the daily papers or in thin booklet form (Batman, Superman, etc). If you want to read strange British comics like 2000AD (you know, with Judge Dredd) then you have to order them specially, and they cost a fortune.
People who appear on local talk shows are either politicians or average people with something to complain about. But you don't really know, because you only watch Oprah or Jerry Springer anyway.
If a woman is plumper than average, Western people think it doesn't improve her looks. African thought on the subject seems to be that Real Women will be a little plump. There are endless debates about this in 'women's' magazines. Black models who are too thin are considered to have been corrupted by Western influence.
You drive on the left-hand side of the road like other civilized countries do. You tend to follow the dictum, 'Red light, stop. Green light, go. Yellow light, go very fast.' You have to be careful when you cross the road, but you do so with minimum fear. Unless you're in Durban.
If you're talking to someone you get very uncomfortable if they approach to within less than half a metre. You're very protective of your personal space.
The only things you expect to bargain for are houses. Cars have a fixed price. You might be able to bargain if you buy fruit and vegetables from informal traders, though.
You might show up at people's houses unannounced, but most of the time you call first. If people show up at your house unannounced, you consider them to have very bad manners. However, if you invite people over for a meal, you do not expect them to contribute anything, not even flowers, dessert or wine. After all, YOU invited THEM. _________________ Toe ek jonk was, het ek al die antwoorde geken. Nou verstaan ek nie eens die vrae nie.
André:
Tonight I'm going to watch the talk show called "Journeys with humour" where invited guests (well-known travellers, actors, journalists, sportsmen, politicians, etc.) tell amusing stories about their visits to various, usually exotic, parts of the world. Tonight they will be talking about South Africa.
I'll share my impressions with you later on!
André:
Tonight I'm going to watch the talk show called "Journeys with humour" where invited guests (well-known travellers, actors, journalists, sportsmen, politicians, etc.) tell amusing stories about their visits to various, usually exotic, parts of the world. Tonight they will be talking about South Africa.
I'll share my impressions with you later on!
That should be very interesting!! _________________ Toe ek jonk was, het ek al die antwoorde geken. Nou verstaan ek nie eens die vrae nie.
Although you have been living in the middle of Europe for donkey's years, you still don't acknowledge that you are European. (What the hell we are - Afrikans or Asians because we certainly aren't Americans or Australians.)
You still think the grass is greener, say, in East Germany.
You are very kind to foreigners (tourists - especially if they come from some western country), and you always talk to them slowly, clearly and loudly so that they can understand everything - IN HUNGARIAN.
If you do speak English, you might be mistaken for Irish. You like the Irish and they like you, so it's no problem anyway.
You have the unusual habit of stealing things from the breakfast buffet whenever you stay at a hotel. What's more interesting, these things (like honey, butter etc) are still in your kitchen after 10 years.
You are either jingoistic or you are ashamed of your nationality.
The only thing that makes you proud of being Hungarian is the (in)famous Hungarian cuisine. It tastes fine but not everyone can digest it. If you are a foreigner, especially an Asian, you might be taken to the hospital right after eating your meal, but you just can't help lovin' it (as it is still better than McDonalds).
You think only Hungarians can cook - others can't. You are convinced that other nations don't know spices, nevertheless, you yourself only know three: salt, pepper and paprika.
You enjoy having guests - you are too kind to them. You stuf them with as much food as you can in order to prevent them from starving to death.
You hate the Plains, even though it's a sight. You think one of our great national poets, Petőfi liked it because in his time it wasn't so boring.
You are optimistic. You never give up hope...for a worse life.
You always forget that Balaton is a lake, not a sea.
You expect foreign tourists to speak your language.
You might have been to the Bahamas but you've never taken a walk on the Margaret Island (Margit-sziget - in Budapest).
You deny the Hungarian-Finnish relationship. They smell of fish...
If you are less educated, you collect money for Esmeralda or Isaura.
You think you know everything about football, politics and education.
You hate at least one of the two leading political parties with a vengeance - if not both of them.
The two leading parties call each other different names - left-wingers call right-wingers fascists, right-wingers call left-wingers communists. Most people vote for one of the leading parties, though. So, you are either a communist or a fascist.
Although you can tell the Prime Minister directly that you hate him without being taken to prison, you still think there is dictatorsip in Hungary.
You still think McDonalds is a posh restaurant.
You can speak eszperente, i.e. you can have a conversation using only words that contain only the sound "e".
You always want to keep up with the Joneses. The richer you get, the more envious you are of your neighbour who have much less money than you.
You watch theMonika Show and generalise that all the people in Hungary are promiscuos, IQ-light and/or have crooked teeth or no teeth whatsoever.
The more serious speech impediments you have, the better chance you stand of having a career as a reporter, an announcer, an anchorperson etc.
If you are a pop musician, you choose an English name for your band or for yourself as you have a furtive desire for an international break through. You won't be famous with diacriticals after all.
You always make two mistakes in your national anthem - you change a word slightly and you take a breath in the wrong place.
If others behave in an impolite way or have any kind of bad characteristics, you think or say that they are typically Hungarian.
PS: Sorry that my description is a bit shambolic and incoherent. Besides, I might paint a negative picture of Hungary, but it's only irony. We traditionally have a self-deprecating sense of humour...if we have a sense of humour at all. _________________ Az alvástól megéhezem. Az evéstől elálmosodom. Az élet szép.
I recognized the South Africa one, it's from zompist.com isn't it?
I was going to put up the "Visitors Guide to Dallas" but I lost it, so we'll have to make do with the "Tour of Texas" which contains real names of real towns in Texas, along with their ZIP codes:
Celebrating our western heritage:
Cut and Shoot, Texas 77306
Gun Barrel, Texas 75147
Need to be cheered up?
Happy , Texas 79042
Smiley , Texas 78159
Paradise , Texas 76073
Rainbow , Texas 76077
Sweet Home , Texas 77987
Why travel to other states? Texas has them all!
Detroit , Texas 75436
Colorado City , Texas 79512
Denver City , Texas 79323
Nevada , Texas 75173
Memphis , Texas 79245
Miami , Texas 79059
New Boston , Texas 75570
Santa Fe , Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony , Texas 75861
Feel like traveling outside the country? Don't bother buying a plane ticket!
Canadian , Texas 79014
China , Texas 77613
Egypt , Texas 77436
Turkey , Texas 79261
London , Texas 76854
New London , Texas 75682
Paris , Texas 75460
We even have a city named after our planet!
Earth , Texas 79031
And a city named after our State!
Texas City , Texas 77590
Exhausted?
Energy , Texas 76452
Need Office Supplies?
Staples , Texas 78670
Men are from Mars, women are from
Venus , Texas 76084
You guessed it..it's on the state line..
Texline , Texas 79087
If you are a pop musician, you choose an English name for your band or for yourself as you have a furtive desire for an international break through. You won't be famous with diacriticals after all.
Two words:
One more:
Sometimes we get umlaut envy. _________________ An apple a day....
If you are a pop musician, you choose an English name for your band or for yourself as you have a furtive desire for an international break through. You won't be famous with diacriticals after all.
Two words:
One more:
Sometimes we get umlaut envy.
Shit happens... _________________ Az alvástól megéhezem. Az evéstől elálmosodom. Az élet szép.
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Seńora la Reina de los Angeles del Río de Porciúncula
Posted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 9:25 pm Post subject: Re: You know you're a Californian when....
Porthos wrote:
You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code.
Isn't that the truth! I live in the 323-- the funky, bohemian part of LA-- but those uptight 310 Westside snobs act like I live in the bad part of town, which is stupid because the notoriously dangerous parts of LA (South Central, Watts, Compton) are all in the 310.
I've met quite a few 818ers (San Fernando Valley residents), 626ers (San Gabriel Valley) and 562ers (Gateway communities) who bought their cell phones in the Westside just so they'd have a 310 number.
But worse is if you come from the 909 (the Inland Empire), which is associated with trailer trash, meth labs and cow pastures even though it's got some really nice affluent suburbs like Claremont, Rancho Cucumonga, and Chino Hills.
Quote:
We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them).
Yes!! What would So. California living be without In-N-Out! That place is an institution. Back in my innocent youth, In-N-Out sold bumper stickers with just their name/logo on it, and the thing to do was to cut out the 'b' and last 'r' in "burger" so that it read "In-N-Out Urge". I was so naďve then, because I never got the joke until my high school years.
Quote:
You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.
Something similar... I once had to reluctantly miss a much-anticipated acupuncture appointment because my boss enlisted a feng shui consultant to feng shui our office and we all had to be around to meet with her to advise us how to reconfigure and redecorate our offices and cubicles!
Heavy metal umlauts (aka "rock dots") are as clichéd as spandex and hairspray in the world of rock 'n' roll... even if they don't make any sense.
Oh, please, don't underestimate the umlauts - they are integral part of our life. Be honest...you are only envious, maybe subconsciously.
Wanderin wrote:
I just wonder, what word do you sing sometimes?
Sorry to disappoint you, but the way many people sing it differently doesn't make a significant difference, really. If it did, it would be much more fun.
The line in question according to the original version of Kölcsey's poem (i.e. the lyrics of our national anthem) is as follows: hozz rá víg esztendőt (= bring him/her/it a good year). When you sing it, it should be
ho-ozz rá, but most people sing hozz reá. Reá is a somewhat archaic version of rá (meaning: to him/her/it), so, stylistically, it would fit the 19th century poem. But it isn't the real text!!!
Wanderin wrote:
OK, here's a video called "Top ten reasons you know you are not Russian when". I didn't find it funny, though some people like it.
Well, then write your own version.
Nice to see you here Elaine and Wanderin - you seem to have dissapeared for quite a long time. _________________ Az alvástól megéhezem. Az evéstől elálmosodom. Az élet szép.
Just want to say that I enjoyed reading all the posts here. It does give the reader the impression of having travelled to those countries. _________________ Hillary Clinton is an acquired taste which I have clearly yet to acquire.
Sorry to disappoint you, but the way many people sing it differently doesn't make a significant difference, really. If it did, it would be much more fun.
well, OK, i thought it was really fun, but now I think it's all good, making fun of national anthem is a bad thing
Quote:
Wanderin wrote:
OK, here's a video called "Top ten reasons you know you are not Russian when". I didn't find it funny, though some people like it.
Well, then write your own version.
OK, actually I was trying to find out something on this topic, and I didn't like anything, as it was not all true IMHO:smt003
What comes on my mind at first - YOU KNOW YOU ARE RUSSIAN IF:
1. You travel where there have been recently a terror atack/catastrophe/flooding etc., coz you think: such things don't happen twice in the same place and then prices are much cheaper now.
2. You like speaking about your compatriots behaving abroad like pigs and assholes you are ashamed of them, when you are abroad you do behave like a pig.
3. You like to complain that your life is very bad, you are poor, prices are very high, government must be shot dead. At the same time you have several appartments, summer house, at least 2 cars, and sometimes your own business.
4. You hate when someone sais that all Russians drink vodka. But in reality you do drink vodka. Sometimes.
5. You hate all music what is shown on TV, you like saying, "f*ck this Russian-Soviet pop". When you are drunk you sing only these songs.
6. You drive a car how you want, you don't know rules. If a cop stops you, the only thought is "how much do you want f*cking cop?"
7. You like everything what is for free, even if you don't need it or these things are out of order.
8. You always have a thought how to be the 1st in line, especially if you are the last one. Your imagination helps you sometimes.
That's all, my mind is over :D
Quote:
Nice to see you here Elaine and Wanderin - you seem to have dissapeared for quite a long time.
thanks for your welcome! but I suppose I'll be disappearing for many times, I'm auf der Reise ;) _________________
Based on your description, you must be even more self-deprecating than us. Bashing your own country and compatriots must be endemic in ex-socialist countries.
Wanderin wrote:
thanks for your welcome! but I suppose I'll be disappearing for many times, I'm auf der Reise ;)
Okay, I tend to forget that your name is Wanderin. _________________ Az alvástól megéhezem. Az evéstől elálmosodom. Az élet szép.
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Heavy metal umlauts (aka "rock dots") are as clichéd as spandex and hairspray in the world of rock 'n' roll... even if they don't make any sense.
