At every newspapers, mistakes often creep in, sometimes due to typo's, sometimes careless writing (combined with careless subbing). We blame this on the printer's devil.
Here are a few I've found on the internet.
* According to a history of the Washington Post, that paper once printed this headline on the front page of its first edition: FDR IN BED WITH COED. Actually President Roosevelt was in bed with a cold, as the story made clear. Chalmers Roberts, author of the history, wrote that this misprint probably occurred in 1940, and that the President phoned the paper and ordered a hundred copies to send to his friends. But Roosevelt didn't get his copies, because the circulation department had scurried around to retrieve the edition and shred it *
From the classifieds...
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
One of my favourites...
* Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. *
In a report on the local arts festival, one of the reporters wanted to write that several poets will be reading both their own work, and some poems by poets who are already dead.
What he wrote was: Poems will be read by poets dead and alive.
André in Zuid-Afrika
A few headlines...
Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter
The store must have been extremely busy....
Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
Hmmm, does tend to do that, doesn't it... Not the only disadvantage of death, though, as this headline pointed out...
* Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation *
But then, some people will use any old excuse...
*Miners refuse to work after death *
* Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years *
Umm,, OK...
* Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say *
You don't say!!
* Soviet virgin lands short of goal again *
She must be getting desperate...
*Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted *
Well, if they won't behave...
* War dims hope for peace *
Kind of does that, yes...
A typo I frequently made for some reason (but usually picked up when re-reading my stories before sending them through) was turning around the letters "e" and "i" in the word "skiet" (shoot), so I would write "skeit" (shit). So, a sentence like: "Daar was 'n wilde skietery" (there was a wild shooting) would become: "Daar was 'n wilde skeitery" (There was a wild shitting...
Shouga
I laughed out loud at most of these!
'Miners refuse to work after death'
André in Zuid-Afrika
Of course, not only newspapers get it wrong...
André in Zuid-Afrika
It even happens in church... These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water”. The sermon for tonight: “Searching for Jesus”.
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.
Don’t let worry kill you off… let the Church help.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy”.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and be prepared to sin.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
The Ladies Society will be selling their cookbook at the church supper this Thursday. The proceeds will help purchase a stomach pump for the local hospital.
Tuesday, at 4:00pm, there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early
Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
Easter Sunday, we will have a 9:30 worship service. The 11:00 will be hell as usual.
The 'Peace-Making' meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J. F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
André in Zuid-Afrika
Not the printer's devil, but while I'm on a roll... some advice from kids for kids...
Never trust a dog to watch your food. Patrick, age 10
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him
Never tell your mom her diet's not working. Michael, 14
Stay away from prunes. Randy, 9
Never pee on an electric fence. Robert, 13
Don't squat with your spurs on: Noronha, 13
Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to: Emily, 10
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. Taylia, 11
Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. Traci, 14
Don't sneeze in front of Mom when you're eating crackers. Mitchell,12
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac. Andrew, 9
Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. Kyoyo, 9
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Armir, 9
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. Kellie, 11
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. Naomi, 15
Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. Lauren, 9
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. Joel, 10
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. Alyesha, 13
Never try to baptize a cat. Eileen, 8
Pauline
LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I fidn this funny also : in heaven all the interesting people are missing (Nietzsche )
André in Zuid-Afrika
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping".
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how???)
On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But, it's just a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought????...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(And...I'm taking this because???)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
