You know you're a Californian when....

Porthos · You know you're a Californian when....

You know you're from California when...../Californians are better because............

Everyone hates cops

You live next door to mexicans

You say "like" and "for sure" and "right on" and "dude" and "totally" and "peace out" and "chill" and "tight" and "bro" and "hell of" and "hella"(Nor Cal only) and "faded" and "stoked" and "fo sho" and you say them often

You know what real cheese taste like.

All the porn you watch is made here, cause we fuck better and thats how it is.

You don't get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe, Shasta, and Big Bear.

You can wear sandals all year long.

You go to the Beach - not "down to the shore."

You know 65 mph really means 100.

When someone cuts you off, they get the horn and the finger and high speed chase cuz we dont fuck around on the road.

The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border).

Our governor can kick your governors ass.

You can go out at midnight.

You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code.

You might get looked at funny by locals when you're on vacation in their state, but when they find out you're from California you turn into a Greek GOD.

We don't stop at stop signs... we do a "california roll"
No cop no stop baby!

You can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day.

All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here.

EVERYONE smokes weed. no exceptions.

We're the Golden State. Not the Cheese State. Not the Garden State.....GOLDEN!!!

We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them).

We have the most representation in the House of Representatives, which means our opinion means more than yours, which means we're better than you.

The best athletes come from here.

We got disneyland....wut now!

We have The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf which is way better than Starbucks.

We call it soda, not pop.

Oh, and no one from California calls it Cali... that's how we know you're not from around here.
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The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.

You were born somewhere else.

Your sense of direction=Toward the ocean and away from the ocean.

You eat an In n Out burger at least once a week!!!

You know how to eat an artichoke.

The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.

Your car has bullet-proof windows.

Left is right and right is wrong.

Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

You can't find your other earring because your son/brother is wearing it.

You drive to your neighborhood block party.

Your family tree contains "significant others."

You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.

You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.

More than clothes come out of the closets.

You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.

Smoking in your office is not optional.

You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch."

Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.

You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.

You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
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All highways into the state say: "no fruits."

All highways out of the state say: "Go back."

The Terminator is your governor

You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH"

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California.

Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

You don't care what race people are because you're too busy wondering what gender they are.

You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.

It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.

Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice.

Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.

Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

The normal symbols on restrooms mean "people wearing pants" and "people wearing skirts".

Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S &M, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.

Both you AND your dog have therapists.

You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class.

You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.

André in Zuid-Afrika

And you're South African if...

You're familiar with many, many American TV personalities and movie stars (Harrison Ford, Brad Pitt, Leo, the cast of Friends, the people on Survivor) and a few South African ones. You definitely know who Charlize Theron and Arnold Vosloo are. You talk about them as if you know them personally. You might know some British stars (Sean Connery, Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Hugh Grant), but you probably only know them if they got famous by starring in American movies.
You know someone who has met Nelson Mandela.
You believe the news on TV and in the papers, especially when it's bad. In fact, the worse the news is, the more likely you are to believe it.
You still believe in marriage, although if you do get married, the chances are one in three of it not lasting. If you're a black male you still have to pay lobola (bride price). You will probably have children: before, during or after marriage.
You know an obscene amount about cricket and rugby, and you have a very definite opinion about Hansie and the match-fixing scandal. You know a lot about soccer. You probably know nothing about baseball, American football or basketball.
You have a vacation of three weeks per year, and you spend it at the coast if possible. Or in the mountains or a game reserve. You wouldn't stay home.
You are probably a Christian if you're white or black. If you're Indian, then you're most likely a Hindu or a Moslem. If you're a Christian, you could be either a Catholic or a Protestant, and you go to church regularly. If you're black you wear a special uniform to church; if you're white you don't, but you dress smartly in special "church clothes" you bought just for Sundays
If you're under 25 you probably consider McDonald's to be fine dining. You think of KFC, Wimpy, Steers, Debonairs and the like as fast food as it isn't really that cheap. If you're over 25 you enjoy going out to new restaurants. You might even enjoy sushi bars.
You love to feed tourists on boerewors (long sausage) and pap (made from corn) at a braai (barbeque). You also consider samoosas (square curried mince pies, usually found in Indian eating establishments) to be traditional South African food.
You don't consider dogs, cats, monkeys, guinea pigs and the like to be food. If you're black you might eat mopani worms. You've heard that people "in Europe" eat snails, frogs' legs and oysters, but you generally wouldn't.
Milk comes in cardboard cartons, plastic 2-litre bottles, and one-litre sachets, but not in glass bottles. You buy milk at the supermarket or the corner cafe (which to Americans would be a "convenience store"). If you have young children you try to get them to drink a glass of milk a day; otherwise you just use it to put in your tea or coffee.
You'll drink either coffee or tea depending on what you feel like at the time. If you're a health fanatic you might drink Rooibos (herbal) tea. You consider the American influence on coffee (dozens of varieties) to be a good thing.
If you're an urban dweller, your house has all the usual rooms, complete with electricity and running water. If you're rural or live in a squatter camp (shanty town), it might not have all those things
Your house is not heated in winter nor air-conditioned in summer. When it gets really cold you might haul out your bar heater or oil heater and your entire family will sit huddled around it. When it gets hot in summer you just open all your windows and turn on a fan.
Winters are never snowy, except in the Drakensberg. If you've never been out of South Africa, you might never have seen snow in your life. If you have seen snow, you still talk about it with wonder.
A bathroom will have a basin, bath or shower and a toilet. You refer to going to the toilet as "going to the bathroom." euphemisms to disguise your real purpose for going there.
At least one member of your family has a cellular phone. You also have a land line, and expect it to work. You're shocked when thieves steal the copper cables, but getting a new phone is routine. If they cut off your phone for some reason or other, however, it might take days for it to be fixed.
Trains are only for people with no alternative for getting around. You yourself will always travel by car or minibus taxi. The bus service is average but useless to anybody who doesn't work in or near the CBD (central business district).
It seems natural to you to have more than one political party, but it's only in recent years that you've been able to boast about democracy.
You don't trust communists, but you understand why people fall for the idea. You probably don't even realise that there are many socialist institutions already functioning in your country (what do you think trade unions are, anyway?) but you're in favour of privatising State assets.
You may or may not be a racist, but if you are you don't tell anybody. Whether you are or aren't makes no difference in the real world anyway, because you'll be accused of being one no matter what you do.
You know from recent experience that problems can be solved when people work together.
You generally trust doctors but you think they overcharge. You feel that they should compensate you for time wasted if they make you wait more than fifteen minutes for an appointment. You'll do anything to avoid being treated in a State hospital, but you think that private hospitals are only after your money.
You speak English fluently, or you want to. At any rate, you can speak at least two languages. If you're black you can most probably speak Zulu, even if you're not Zulu yourself. You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and are inordinately proud of this fact.
School is supposed to be free, but if you send your child to a 'free' school then it's likely that he or she will become a victim of the concept that "you get what you pay for". University is not free. In fact, it's very expensive.
The year comes first: 1994-04-27, or last: 27/04/94 (and you know what happened on that date), but the month always goes in the middle.
The decimal point is a comma, or so you were taught, but you think that using a comma is silly and you use a dot when you can get away with it.
A billion is a million times a million according to your Maths (not 'Math') teacher, but you consider a billion to be a thousand times a million because you're used to that usage from American TV shows.
World War II didn't have much of an impact on your country, but you most likely know one or two people who fought in it.
You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. If you're a Christian you will get married in church. Fancy outdoor garden weddings are for people with more money than sense. Your minister, priest or pastor will be a marriage officer and you don't need to go to court. If you're a Hindu or Moslem you might still have to go to court after your religious ceremony. If you're black you might have a traditional ceremony but for it to be considered legal you have to go to court or get married in church. In South African black culture a man can have more than one wife, but he can only marry one legally. You're fascinated by the idea of changing the law so that cultures which traditionally practise polygamy can do it legally.
If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual, but you have no right to discriminate against him because of this.
If you're female, you probably wouldn't go to the beach topless. To go naked, you'd have to visit Sandy Bay. However, you do think that some traditional African dress, which involves women going topless, is beautiful.
You think women should be able to breastfeed their babies in public without being maligned.
You'd rather a film be subtitled than dubbed, but you're used to dubbing from the 'old days' and brag about South African dubbing being very good. Generally, however, you don't watch 'foreign' films (for 'foreign', read, 'Anything that doesn't come out of Hollywood').
You expect to be able to transact business or deal with the government without paying bribes. You sometimes do have to pay bribes, but afterwards you blow the whistle to the media about "the corruption in our country".
If a politician has been cheating on his wife, the media will mention it but you won't care. If a politician has been embezzling money or receiving kickbacks, no one seems to care, and this annoys you.
All large shops, malls and chain stores take credit cards, but many don't accept cheques.
It's very difficult to get rid of employees, which you are grateful for if you're low man on the totem pole, and annoyed about if you're in a management position.
Workers' Day is on the 1st of May.
Scatterlings of Africa
You've probably seen The Gods Must Be Crazy, The Mummy, everything Charlize Theron has been in, the Star Wars films, Titanic, The Matrix and The Sixth Sense. If you're over 30 you've probably also seen Gone with the Wind, Casablanca, Rebel Without a Cause, Superman and E.T. You know who Marilyn Monroe was, even if you've never seen one of her movies.
You know Michael Jackson, Ricky Martin, Madonna, the Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears and the Spice Girls, even though you may not want to. If you're over 30 you also know the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, the Doors, Elvis, Frank Sinatra, Bruce Springsteen and Abba. You definitely know Juluka, Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Mango Groove, Brenda Fassie, Just Jinger, and Henry Ate.
If you have medical aid, you count on excellent medical treatment. If you don't, you pray you won't get sick. Your chances of dying of cholera, malaria, TB or a similar Third World disease increase if you live in a rural area or don't have running water. Or if you go to the Kruger National Park without taking malaria preventatives. You think dying at 65 would be a tragedy.
At school, you learned the history of South Africa. If you're under 20 your teachers probably made you watch Shaka Zulu during History. You also learned about World Wars I and II and the Anglo-Boer (a.k.a. South African) War. You know all about the Vietnam War, the Gulf War and the Cold War, but this is due to exposure to American TV.
Your country as a whole has never been conquered, but the amount of freedom you had prior to 1994 is debatable, and some people would argue it still is.
You're used to a wide variety of choices for almost anything you buy.
You measure things in litres, metres, kilometres, kilograms and celsius (centigrade). You have no idea what people are talking about when they refer to Farenheit temperature.
The likelihood of your being a farmer is not very high, but you do know some.
Comics come in the daily papers or in thin booklet form (Batman, Superman, etc). If you want to read strange British comics like 2000AD (you know, with Judge Dredd) then you have to order them specially, and they cost a fortune.
People who appear on local talk shows are either politicians or average people with something to complain about. But you don't really know, because you only watch Oprah or Jerry Springer anyway.
If a woman is plumper than average, Western people think it doesn't improve her looks. African thought on the subject seems to be that Real Women will be a little plump. There are endless debates about this in 'women's' magazines. Black models who are too thin are considered to have been corrupted by Western influence.
You drive on the left-hand side of the road like other civilized countries do. You tend to follow the dictum, 'Red light, stop. Green light, go. Yellow light, go very fast.' You have to be careful when you cross the road, but you do so with minimum fear. Unless you're in Durban.
If you're talking to someone you get very uncomfortable if they approach to within less than half a metre. You're very protective of your personal space.
The only things you expect to bargain for are houses. Cars have a fixed price. You might be able to bargain if you buy fruit and vegetables from informal traders, though.
You might show up at people's houses unannounced, but most of the time you call first. If people show up at your house unannounced, you consider them to have very bad manners. However, if you invite people over for a meal, you do not expect them to contribute anything, not even flowers, dessert or wine. After all, YOU invited THEM.

KSa

Good job, Porthos & André! I enjoyed reading it!

André:
Tonight I'm going to watch the talk show called "Journeys with humour" where invited guests (well-known travellers, actors, journalists, sportsmen, politicians, etc.) tell amusing stories about their visits to various, usually exotic, parts of the world. Tonight they will be talking about South Africa.
I'll share my impressions with you later on!

André in Zuid-Afrika

Liz

And you are Hungarian...

Although you have been living in the middle of Europe for donkey's years, you still don't acknowledge that you are European. (What the hell we are - Afrikans or Asians because we certainly aren't Americans or Australians.)

You still think the grass is greener, say, in East Germany.

You are very kind to foreigners (tourists - especially if they come from some western country), and you always talk to them slowly, clearly and loudly so that they can understand everything - IN HUNGARIAN.

If you do speak English, you might be mistaken for Irish. You like the Irish and they like you, so it's no problem anyway.

You have the unusual habit of stealing things from the breakfast buffet whenever you stay at a hotel. What's more interesting, these things (like honey, butter etc) are still in your kitchen after 10 years.

You are either jingoistic or you are ashamed of your nationality.

The only thing that makes you proud of being Hungarian is the (in)famous Hungarian cuisine. It tastes fine but not everyone can digest it. If you are a foreigner, especially an Asian, you might be taken to the hospital right after eating your meal, but you just can't help lovin' it (as it is still better than McDonalds).

You think only Hungarians can cook - others can't. You are convinced that other nations don't know spices, nevertheless, you yourself only know three: salt, pepper and paprika.

You enjoy having guests - you are too kind to them. You stuf them with as much food as you can in order to prevent them from starving to death.

You hate the Plains, even though it's a sight. You think one of our great national poets, Petőfi liked it because in his time it wasn't so boring.

You are optimistic. You never give up hope...for a worse life.

You always forget that Balaton is a lake, not a sea.

You expect foreign tourists to speak your language.

You might have been to the Bahamas but you've never taken a walk on the Margaret Island (Margit-sziget - in Budapest).

You deny the Hungarian-Finnish relationship. They smell of fish...

If you are less educated, you collect money for Esmeralda or Isaura.

You think you know everything about football, politics and education.

You hate at least one of the two leading political parties with a vengeance - if not both of them.

The two leading parties call each other different names - left-wingers call right-wingers fascists, right-wingers call left-wingers communists. Most people vote for one of the leading parties, though. So, you are either a communist or a fascist.

Although you can tell the Prime Minister directly that you hate him without being taken to prison, you still think there is dictatorsip in Hungary.

You still think McDonalds is a posh restaurant.

You can speak eszperente, i.e. you can have a conversation using only words that contain only the sound "e".

You always want to keep up with the Joneses. The richer you get, the more envious you are of your neighbour who have much less money than you.

You watch theMonika Show and generalise that all the people in Hungary are promiscuos, IQ-light and/or have crooked teeth or no teeth whatsoever.

The more serious speech impediments you have, the better chance you stand of having a career as a reporter, an announcer, an anchorperson etc.

If you are a pop musician, you choose an English name for your band or for yourself as you have a furtive desire for an international break through. You won't be famous with diacriticals after all.

You always make two mistakes in your national anthem - you change a word slightly and you take a breath in the wrong place.

If others behave in an impolite way or have any kind of bad characteristics, you think or say that they are typically Hungarian.

PS: Sorry that my description is a bit shambolic and incoherent. Besides, I might paint a negative picture of Hungary, but it's only irony. We traditionally have a self-deprecating sense of humour...if we have a sense of humour at all.

Bashar

I recognized the South Africa one, it's from zompist.com isn't it?

I was going to put up the "Visitors Guide to Dallas" but I lost it, so we'll have to make do with the "Tour of Texas" which contains real names of real towns in Texas, along with their ZIP codes:

Celebrating our western heritage:
Cut and Shoot, Texas 77306
Gun Barrel, Texas 75147

Need to be cheered up?
Happy , Texas 79042
Smiley , Texas 78159
Paradise , Texas 76073
Rainbow , Texas 76077
Sweet Home , Texas 77987

Why travel to other states? Texas has them all!
Detroit , Texas 75436
Colorado City , Texas 79512
Denver City , Texas 79323
Nevada , Texas 75173
Memphis , Texas 79245
Miami , Texas 79059
New Boston , Texas 75570
Santa Fe , Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony , Texas 75861

Feel like traveling outside the country? Don't bother buying a plane ticket!
Canadian , Texas 79014
China , Texas 77613
Egypt , Texas 77436
Turkey , Texas 79261
London , Texas 76854
New London , Texas 75682
Paris , Texas 75460

We even have a city named after our planet!
Earth , Texas 79031

And a city named after our State!
Texas City , Texas 77590

Exhausted?
Energy , Texas 76452

Need Office Supplies?
Staples , Texas 78670

Men are from Mars, women are from
Venus , Texas 76084

You guessed it..it's on the state line..
Texline , Texas 79087

For the kids..
Kermit , Texas 79745
Elmo , Texas 75118
Nemo , Texas 76070
Tarzan , Texas 79783
Winnie , Texas 77665

Other funny city names in Texas :
Beeville , Texas 78102
Bigfoot , Texas 78005
Buda , Texas 78610 (Shouldn't this be up with the foreign cities? Buda being one half of Budapest)
Cactus , Texas 79013
Mercedes , Texas 78570
Nixon , Texas 78140
Telephone , Texas 75488
Whiteface , Texas 79379
White Deer, Texas 79097
Muleshoe, Texas
Loco, Texas

And last but not least, the Anti-Al Gore City
Kilgore , Texas 75662

Uriel

Liz

Elaine

Wanderin

I've had a fun today, I ve read this thread:smt003

Elaine · Re: You know you're a Californian when....

Liz

Loic

Just want to say that I enjoyed reading all the posts here. It does give the reader the impression of having travelled to those countries.

Elaine

Wanderin

Liz

Walker

Liz

Walker

Deborah

Bashar

OK, someone FINALLY forwarded this to me again! Last time I got this was in 2001 and it looks like it's been added to since then.

Driving in Dallas,Texas

First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Denton County and your Mapsco is one-day-old, then it is already obsolete. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. (Frisco has screwed everything up.)

Dallas has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray." There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas . We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "Get on Beltline," which has no beginning and no end. (It REALLY DOESN'T!!!)

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that, we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth !"

If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators - and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas ..

All old ladies with blue hair in a Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas ..

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The
perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road . On the south end, it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave,
Ave K, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman ... about 35 miles away......

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. It also ends in Sherman .

If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas , you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed... and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas

The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!

A trip across town east to west will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.

It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway. Don't let this confuse you.

LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."

If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round (if it's Spring) - and it is the Texas State Fair if it's Fall.

If you go to the Fair, pay the $8.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park . Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, and possibly a gunshot wound. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers ... remember, it's legal to Be armed in Texas

Uriel

Oh, God, that's funny, Bashar! I escaped the legendary Dallas traffic by hauling ass through there on I-20 on a Sunday morning ... thank God church is also not only legal, but possibly mandatory!

Travis

I have to say that all the California stuff seems so incredibly foreign here in Wisconsin, to say the very least; if I did not know California was part of the US, I would probably guess that such was about some other country than here in the Upper Midwest. In particular, all the California expressions and usages aside from the use of soda (which is a specific part of the dialect here in Milwaukee) seem just so weird and cliche to me; I would probably be practically shocked if I ever heard someone say any of them to me in Real Life. However, that is probably just the effect of only hearing people from or characters set in California on TV and having practically no Real Life contact with anyone from California...

Uriel

I think we can characterize the different parts of the country as Laidback, Uptight, Downright Weird, and the South.

The west coast and the southwest counts as the Laidback Regions. The northeast and (I'm guessing) the midwest are probably in the Uptight. Places like Alaska and Hawaii and NYC are definitely in the Downright Weird, and the South is, of course, its own planet, with its own rules and gravity.

I'm used to living in the Laidback, so California is very normal for me.

Little shout out to my neighbors down I-10 (italics mine):

You Know You're From El Paso When...

You know that the only two seasons are summer and Christmas.

You know it's the first day of Spring because the wind gusts hit 50 mph.

(You would not BELIEVE our springtime windstorms ... and they are indeed the stereotypical harbinger of the season!)

You know that it only snows if it was at least 75 the day before.

You cringe whenever you see a CHIH MEX license plate.

('Cause you hope it has brakes....)

You can get sunburned and wind burned in the same hour.

(Tell me about it!)

You can give a stranger exact directions to the Electric-Q disco in Juarez.

You don't go near the Rio Grande. Ever.

You think that anyone who lives on the West side drives a BMW and all the people
on the East side are gangsters.

The only national monuments you have been to are White Sands and the Chamizal.

You have a least four T-shirts that have "In loving memory" on the back.

(In New Mexico, of course, this would be emblazoned on your back windshield. In either Old English or fancy cursive.)

You know the difference between "ya'll" and "all ya'll".

(Yes. One's plural. The other is really, really plural.)

You know where the "real" first Thanksgiving took place.

You think Western Playland is the place to be in the summer.

(Of course it is. It's the only water park for hundreds of miles ... and when the Rio Grande dries up, it's the only open water for hundreds of miles.....)

You have tried to fry an egg on the sidewalk in July.

(Ah, but did you remember the chorizo?)

You invest a great deal of money in hair spray in the spring.

(See item 2.)

The only thing you stocked up on for Y2K were tortillas.

(Well, everything else you can live without!)

You know what all those letters on the mountain stand for.

You can see three different states and two countries from your backyard.

The first place you go when you come back in town is Chico's Tacos.

When you are lost in Juarez at night, you can always find your way back by looking for the star on the mountain.

(Well, it's enormous, you can't miss it!)

Seeing the Asarco tower gives you that warm and fuzzy home feeling.

(It's a filthy smokestack right on the border, where it runs along I-10 as you drive south from NM. Now defunct, I believe, and probably a superfund site.)

You have talked about leaving for about ten years, but you are still here.

(And they call New Mexico the Land of Entrapment.....)

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from El Paso.

That's El Paso in the front, Juarez in the back.

Travis

Uriel

It's been 20 years since I lived back east (Virginia and New York), and I haven't even visited since I was 18 (17 years ago). I barely remember it any more. Also, I was a kid, so I was far less attuned to the "big picture".

But you can see the difference in people here who are originally FROM the northeast or the midwest -- they contrast with the natives in some unusual ways.

Travis

Uriel

Speech. And I don't mean accents; I mean how they use speech. We had one nurse from Connecticut who just never stopped talking. (She really, really needed that shirt that says "Help! I'm talking and I can't shut up!") She said she couldn't date western men because she drove them crazy. She never got the hang of comfortable silences; if there was a lull in the conversation, she had a driving need to fill it with chatter. On one occasion, the guy she was on a date with turned to her and said, "Do you say EVERYTHING that pops into your head?" I think that was her moment of revelation. We later hired a New Yorker, and she was thrilled to death because "finally we have someone who talks just as much as me!"

She also said she found it easier to deal with one of our doctors who is known for his abrasive, confrontational style better than most people, because of her upbringing; it was a style she was very used to, and you just had to give the same attitude and confrontation back to him, and he would back down. (Very true, it turns out. He's actually from India, but he spent many years in NYC.)

We have a secretary (also from Connecticut) who is less talkative, but her tone and curtness often make her sound much ruder than she probably intends to. I find that also on the phone many times people from the northeast are often very terse and unfriendly, and indulge in basic pleasantries and incidental small talk a LOT less. Chicagoans are much more friendly, and fellow southwesterners will talk your ear off and go into a lot more asides. I find that I talk differently with people from various parts of the country myself (on the phone) as I unconsciously respond to their social cues.

Elaine

André in Zuid-Afrika

You know you're in South Africa when...

1. You can eat half dried meat and not be considered disgusting.
2. Nothing is your fault, you can blame it all on apartheid.
3. You get to buy a new car every 3 months and the insurance
company even pays for it.
4. You can experience '*/* service in eleven official languages.
5. Where else can you get oranges with 45% alcohol content at
rugby matches?
6. It's the only country in the world where striking workers
show; how angry they are by dancing.
7. You're considered clumsy if you cannot: use a cell phone
(without car kit), change CDs, drink a beer, put on make-up, read the
newspaper and smoke, all at the same time while driving a car at 160 kph in a 60 kph zone.
8. Great accent. (!!!)
9. If you live in Johannesburg, you get to brag about living in
the most dangerous city in the world.
10. Burglar bars become a feature, and a great selling point for
your house.
11. You can decorate your garden walls with barbed wire.
12. The tow-trucks are the first on the scene for most major
crimes, without being called.
The police you have to call about three times!
13. Votes have to be recounted until the right party wins.
14. Illegal immigrants leave the country because the crime rate
is too high.
15. The police ask you if they must follow up on the burglary you've just reported.
16. Where a murderer gets a 6 month sentence and a pirate TV
viewer 2 years.
17. The prisoners strike and get to vote in elections!
18. The police stations have panic buttons to call armed
response when they are burgled
19. Police cars are fitted with immobilisers and gearlocks!

Benjamin [inactive]

You know you're in Scotland when you can actually buy deep-fried battered pizza from the chip shop.

Elaine

Travis

Travis

André in Zuid-Afrika

And you know you're in South Africa when...

André in Zuid-Afrika

Benjamin [inactive]

A remember seeing on some other forum a while ago a woman originally from South Africa who had moved to London a few years ago. She said that, since she'd been in London, she hadn't locked her front-door or her car, apparently because she assumed that it would be perfectly safe not to now that she was no-longer in South Africa.

André in Zuid-Afrika

Tiffany

You know you're from Miami if you:
1. Don't know less than 20 Cubans
2. Frequently hear Spanglish and can name more than one Spanish-only establishment
3. Think 60 degrees counts as really fricken cold weather.
4. Have attended a hurricane party.
5. Either think Diversity = 55% Cuban, 45% White, 8% Black, 2% Other or know someone that does.

You know you're in the Bay Area if you:
1. Know only one or two people who grew up in the area. Everyone else is a transplant.
2. Have worked with an Asian engineer or have a neighbor who does.
3. Can drive past Google, Yahoo, Ebay, Apple or HP on a regular basis.
4. Think a single family home for 500k is a really cheap.
5. Realize most people talk in keywords: "Web 2.0, AJAX" etc without actually knowing what the hell they are talking about.

André in Zuid-Afrika

Why it's great being South African!

1. You can eat half dried meat and not be considered disgusting.
2. Nothing is your fault, you can blame it all on apartheid.
3. You get to buy a new car every 3 months and the insurance
company even pays for it.
4. You can experience '*/* service in eleven official languages.
5. Where else can you get oranges with 45% alcohol content at
rugby matches?
6. It's the only country in the world where striking workers
show how angry they are by dancing.
7. You're considered clumsy if you cannot: use a cell phone
(without car kit), change CDs, drink a beer, put on make-up, read the
newspaper and smoke, all at the same time while driving a car at 160 kph in a 60 kph zone.
8. Great accent. (!!!)
9. If you live in Johannesburg, you get to brag about living in
the most dangerous city in the world.
10. Burglar bars become a feature, and a great selling point for
your house.
11. You can decorate your garden walls with barbed wire.
12. The tow-trucks are the first on the scene for most major
crimes, without being called.
The police you have to call about three times!
13. Votes have to be recounted until the right party wins.
14. Illegal immigrants leave the country because the crime rate
is too high.
15. The police ask you if they must follow up on the burglary you've just reported.
16. Where a murderer gets a 6 month sentence and a pirate TV
viewer 2 years.
17. The prisoners strike and get to vote in elections!
18. The police stations have panic buttons to call armed
response when they are burgled
19. Police cars are fitted with immobilisers and gearlocks!

Rio

1. Husker Du is not metal, they're like hard college rock! Btw Candy Apple Gray - not a bad album
2. I hate Jerky, so I'm not South African then
3. There's some wierd names (suburbs and towns) out there is Australia: Humpty Doo, Kentucky Bluegrass, Yorkey's Knob, Iron Knob, Tin Can Bay. Except they're not that wierd to me.

André in Zuid-Afrika

Rio

Whats the difference between the two?

André in Zuid-Afrika

From Wikipedia...

Uriel

Jerky is usually pretty thin -- maybe half a centimeter, for you metric types? Most of the time you find it heavily flavored with red pepper, but teriyaki and jalapeno are popular, too. Teriyaki is the only one I would characterize as "sweet", but if you are used to a vinegar flavor, I suppose plain meat jerky tastes proportionally sweeter.

André in Zuid-Afrika

Uriel

I first saw this as a Wyoming list, but the Canadian version is even funnier:

COLD IS RELATIVE ....

The Temperature Conversion Guide (degrees are in Fahrenheit):

50 above - New Yorkers turn on the heat. Canadians plant gardens.

40 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians sunbathe.

35 above - Italian cars won't start. Canadians drive with the windows down.

32 above - Distilled water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker.

20 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves & wool hats. Canadians throw on a t-shirt.

15 above - Californians begin to evacuate the state. Canadians go swimming.

Zero - New York landlords finally turn up the heat. Canadians have the last cook-out before it gets cold.

10 below - People in Miami cease to exist. Canadians lick flag poles.

20 below - Californians fly away to Mexico. Canadians throw on a light jacket.

40 below - Hollywood disintegrates. Canadians rent videos.

60 below - Mt. St. Helens freezes. Canadian Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

80 below - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" courses until it gets cold enough.

100 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadians pull down their ear flaps.

173 below - Ethyl alcohol freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.

297 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products. Canadian cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below - ALL atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying"Cold'nuff for ya?"

500 below - Hell freezes over. The Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup

You know you're a Californian when....

Re: You know you're a Californian when....